Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in lonely_spider's LiveJournal:

Monday, February 12th, 2007
12:53 am	Thus the curtain closes on another tale. An eternity has passed... Fleeting dreams fade into the distance... All that is left now Is me and my memories... But I'm sure we'll meet again, Someday, you and I... Another place, another time. It's just that we might not realize That you are you and I am me... Let us open the door to the great unknown, Come across another reality, And live another day... Even when the story has been told, Life goes on... Until we meet again, Take care of yourself, my friend... Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: ... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
12:24 am	Current Mood: bored Current Music: You're My Honeybunch (The cuppycake song) - Judianna Castle (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
12:41 am	sidetracked I know exactly how and why I have these feelings for you. It's not because of those fleeting glances you make every time we cross each other's path. It's not because of those eyes that show radiance amidst the typical crowd. It’s also not because of the kindness you express with no bounds. No. It’s not because of those things at all. It’s more because of the fact that you live. Yes. The mere fact that you are living, breathing, alive. As you take in air and as it courses down into your body, you might not observe but you just successfully prolonged your life for a while. It made me wonder why you pitifully hold on to life yet in the end, you’ll end up 6 feet under ground just like everybody else. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Right? You’re probably confused by now. But do you have the slightest idea what you did to me? You made emotions that I have buried long ago resurface from deep within me. Emotions that have become alien to me from the lack of use. You made me feel. You made me realize that life is worth living. You have made a mark upon my life. You changed me… And I hate you for that. But it‘s no use hiding it now. Yes, I admit. I do love you. No matter how hard I try to deny it from myself, I still love you. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. And that is why I loathe myself. You confused me with your words. You distracted me with your smile. You changed me with your kindness. You gave me nausea and headaches. You destroyed the real me. You have changed me. I myself don’t even know who I am anymore. I just want to be as I was before. Being alone was comforting and it assured me that nobody will hurt me. Alone and unloved. I live alone and I’ll die alone. I don’t want to leave behind memories that people would eventually forget as they go on with their existence. I hate to love you yet I love to hate you. It’s a cycle that goes on for eternity. Well, the cycle that is. But you on the other hand... Sigh... My 3rd attempt on writing... Constructive criticisms greatley apreciated.Ü Just 2 let you know, it's 12 am so, if ever there are grammatical errors, ahh... yun na yun... nyt, nyt... Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Kitto Ok (Duo) - Gundam Wing (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 27th, 2006
12:11 am	I open my eyes only to be greeted by the harsh sunlight streaming out form the window filling the room with life. I immediately covered my eyes with my hand. Feh. Life. I hate that word and what it stands for. Slowly removing my hand and adjusting from the brightness, I then settled my hand upon my chest. I can feel it. The pounding inside me proving my very existence. I hate it. I want to make it stop. Freezing it from it's ever so slow yet unfaltering pace. As I slowly sat up, I instantly held my head. The feeling of dizziness empowered me. I felt weak. Probably from blood loss. As the dizziness subsided, I looked at my hand again. Faint lines can be seen upon my wrist. Unlike physical wounds that heal, deep inside of me is a wound that can never be treated. The sun sets and the winds alter yet I can never change my destiny... Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
9:42 pm	As I sit here in the shadow of my mind. As I sit here in the darkest shadow of my mind, life starts going down hill for me. Experiencing that the one who I really love doesn't love me back anymore, or people screaming in front my face that they don't care about anything that concerns me, or even people who use me and throw me away after like i'm some repulsive garbage, is really hard to handle. But it's okay, making sure that they won't ever love again is easier to do than seeing them love somebody else. By making sure they won't EVER verbally hurt me ever again is easier than torturing myself listening to their shrieking voices. Making sure that they won't use me is easier to do than experiencing the feeling of being used again. Making sure that they won't do anything at all is easier than seeing them breathing. It's easier that way. It makes life more comfortable for me. And when they're nothing but mere shells of their former self, then i'll be happy. The least they could do is make me smile even just for a second. That's the only way they could repay me for the awful things they made me do... for things that they made me say... the things that they made me feel... In the darkest shadow of my mind, I only feel sadness, loneliness and pain. Even though the sun shines upon my face, I can no longer feel it's warmth. Even though the wind runns through my hand, I no longer feel it's gentle caress. Even though my heart beats inside me, I can no longer feel i'm alive. Even though blood runns from the slit upon my wrist, I can no longer feel the pain... Current Mood: apathetic (3 Comments |Comment on this)